I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
