Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
