i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
