Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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