do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
