I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
