So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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