the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
