I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
