I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
