So drunk its hurt
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She said her name was "party"
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
