If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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