I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
