I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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