So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
