capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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