I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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