I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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