Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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