I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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