but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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