There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
