Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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