dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
