That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
