i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
and she was petting her beer can
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
