Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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