this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
