I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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