Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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