Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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