Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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