I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
