Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
