god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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