my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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