I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
