and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just found puke in my bra..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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