I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
