I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
