I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
