wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize