I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
