Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
one might say we're banned from that church
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
