how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
People with herpes should wear stickers.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
