I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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