Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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