so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
