It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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