dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
