it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
