Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
