I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
