i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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