it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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