It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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