Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
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I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
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Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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