Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
