I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
