I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
