I've blown a few things in my day
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
