did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
