I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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