i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i think im in europe. pls send help
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
