i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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